Bisexual: Imperfect Label at Best
It seemed one thing that participants at the 9th International Bisexuality conference held in Toronto this past June agreed about was how oddly and awkwardly the label "bisexual" fits most of our life experiences. First, there is the way in which it seems limiting in that the label "bisexual" entrenches existing sex binaries. There are two sexes and we, the bisexuals, like both of them. But that’s often not at all how it feels. I once read a phrase to describe a person’s attractions that struck home, something like "it’s when I have to ask that things get interesting." "Bisexual" seems to exclude attraction to trans people or others occupying the murky middle of gender identity. I may be a bisexual but that doesn’t mean I find Ken and Barbie equally hot. In fact, neither Ken nor Barbie does much of anything for me (though that’s overdetermined since Ken and Barble also lack genitals, a real drawback). Second, while the label "bisexual" is limiting, in another way it’s too broad. Straight male friends sometimes try to draw me into their conversations about attractions to particular women. While I appreciate the inclusion, we usually find we agree on almost nothing. Truth be told, I am not attracted to women simpliciter. Of course neither are they but it’s just that our interests tend to veer in pretty different directions. I’m not being politically correct when I say that the models of traditional porn leave me cold (or worse, nervous and insecure about my own body). With some exceptions, I like queer women. I love the cover shot on nothing but the girl: the blatant lesbian image, edited by Susie Bright and Jill Posener (Freedom Editions, 1996). 
The basis of my attraction to women identifiable as queer is looks to be sure but it’s also about attitude. And men? Well, that’s even harder to define. There it’s about comfort and confidence: with women and women’s sexuality, their own sexality too. So unlike straight friends who assume that bisexuals have a larger pool of people to date, that’s not the way it feels to me. And finally the label bisexual implies at least in peoples’ minds, if not explcitily, an equal time and equal affections model as if all bisexuals like men and women inequal measures. In real life some bisexuals are primarily bisexuals in terms of sexual attraction, but only have strong affective ties to one sex or the other. Unlike sex columnist Dan Savage I don’t believe that all bisexuals are likely to end up in opposite sex relationships. I think the the scales can be tipped in either direction. I’ve known a number of self-described lesbians who have occasional sex with men but because they say they’d never fall in love or set up home with a man feel secure in calling themselves lesbians. I object to the idea that all bisexuals are, ought to be, dead centre on the Kinsey scale.
Are there any good alternatives? Short and to the point: Queer; Long but more interesting: Member of the "my sexuality scares the hell out of other people" club; Potentially Confusing: Bi-Queer, Omnisexual, Pansexual. For now I’ll stick with "bi" and do the explaining later.
